Communication of a Secure Attachment Identity

A comment on an earlier post referenced that post and then focused on the role of communication...

"...In other words, everyone has mental models of what they expect generally from people when they experience distress, crisis, isolation, etc. and what they expect from specific individuals in such situations."

What strikes me in this part of the post is the role of the communication of those expectations, and I see a tension between how an individual identifies themselves internally and how someone may perceive them externally (for me, underscoring the communication role).

Great comment. With particular regard to the issue of communication there is a key presupposition involved, "The meaning of the communication is the response elicited."

So one way of understanding who we are to another in the world is to observe their responses. What's interesting is that others' responses are also influenced by their filters on the world, beliefs, self-perceptions, etc. not just our communication.

What the presupposition underlines is our responsibility for being effective in communicating our intention so that it is received. Combine this first presupposition with a second one, "The most flexible is the most successful." This translates that, if our communication produces a response that doesn't match our intention, and if we are sufficiently flexible, we can keep varying our communication until the response matches our intention. When we are able to consistently accomplish this match of others' responses and our intentions, we have become expert communicators.

In the context of secure attachment, it is especially challenging as others' insecure attachment identities and styles are deeply ingrained.

It takes precise observation of others' responses, accurate interpretation of the meaning of those responses, and exquisite flexibility of communication skill to successfully create a secure attachment environment for the other...and often it also requires time and repetition to establish trust and break through defenses associated with insecure attachment.

And yet, when we do create a secure attachment environment, everyone benefits. It is worth it!

Attachment and Health of the Whole

The Genetic Alliance Council has defined Genetic Alliance in a number of ways, one of which has been that we are home to the whole. What does that mean? It comes out of our reflection that we had been limiting ourselves and our community by the relatively narrow focus we were carrying.

For example, in 2003 we were unclear on our mission and found ourselves being defined by projects that funded our work. We got that clear, made organizational changes, developed our vision, and pursued projects consistent with the new vision.

In 2005-2006 we initiated an incubator project that was intended to support specific advocacy groups to take steps to extend themselves and develop their capacities. We found that working with individual groups didn’t produce the transformational results any of us had hoped for and so we looked for new approaches to engage.

In 2007, the Board faced a crisis and effectively chose to go a new way. It was and is a very demanding path. Some Board members felt it required too much of them, encouraged us in the vision, but felt they should step aside. Other members felt that the new direction was contrary to their experience and vision and felt forced out, though those who remained attempted to communicate their heart and intent of openness. This governance and organizational change was the beginning of the Board, now Council, thinking in terms of being home to the whole.

Later that year and in 2008, the staff began to embrace this new idea of openness as process and product of Genetic Alliance. As the staff joined the Council in pursuing openness, we found greater confidence. We began to envision opening the space for systems transformation through our engagement in crucial issues affecting our well being as individuals and communities.

What began as an exercise in being “we” (i.e. as one together) took form...at multiple levels. We realized that Genetic Alliance is not just about any one sector but that it can hold the space open for many sectors. We saw a vision of the future in which our real power comes from holding that space for everyone.

We initially decided we would commit to transforming health through genetics but then realized it was too limiting and turned to transforming the health of the whole, the extended “we.” We use the process of identification as one of many to give substance to the extended “we.” That essentially means that what we see in another, in you—what’s important to you, what’s your problem, what’s your success—we find in ourselves by asking, “How is this that I see in you true of me?”

With this foundation we began to operationalize what it means to be “home to the whole.” We began to carry the entire world in our hearts in a new way while at the same time taking responsibility for the work immediately in front of us well as in our future.

An additional process that has helped us to do this we call “chunking.” It is the means of moving from one level to another, whether that be going to a more general, meaning making level, to a more specific detailed descriptive level, or to a parallel level generating similar examples.

In this case, we would consistently “chunk up” by asking, “What is this issue we are dealing with an example of?” Eventually we got to world peace, which is one of the amazing serendipities of this attachment conference that highlights among others, John Paul Lederach. When we “chunked down” a bit we got to transforming health. We have consistently aligned our Genetic Alliance projects along the vertical and horizontal axes generated through this "chunking."

Being home to the whole and committed to a healing journey, we realized we needed to think in terms of the health of the whole. It would appear that there are at least four major systems that can support the health of the whole...

1. the psychological as it relates to my own self;

2. the social as it relates to my relationships;

3. the communal as it integrates multiple relationships, and

4. the spiritual as it supports the larger sense of my presence in the world.

We can see all four of these systems coming together in the upcoming attachment conference.

In the first system is the significance of attachment identity, “Am I secure in myself as one with resources and strategies to support myself through a crisis or distressing experience?” (Mikulincer and Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood, http://tinyurl.com/4rd8e2x).

In the second system there is the significance of attachment figures in my life, those people who I can depend on (or not) and seek out to be a safe haven and a secure base when my distress exceeds my own capacity to manage it. (Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight, http://tinyurl.com/5uh62qe)

In the third system there is the significance of multiple relationships forming a culture and which addresses the question, “Is this place, this community, this organization, a safe haven and secure base in which I can trust that I will be known for who I am, my voice will be heard as authentic, and my contributions will be valued.” (John Paul Lederach, The Moral Imagination, http://tinyurl.com/48wfob6)

In the fourth system there is the significance of God-a higher power-the ground of being beyond the simple human connection as a source of security...if you will the ultimate attachment figure. (Curt Thompson, The Anatomy of the Soul, http://tinyurl.com/4lnjxzf; Dan Siegel, Mindsight, http://tinyurl.com/6hqq2l2).

We look forward to further integrating our understanding of these four systems of support for the health of the whole as an expression of Genetic Alliance being home to the whole. We believe it offers us all, "we together as one," the means of transforming ourselves and these systems to positively impact health in all of its aspects.

Important Questions About Leadership and Attachment (from our comments)

From a previous blog, these questions were raised and I thought they were great and worth putting up in a general posting. As in other blogs, consider this a first response and one that hopefully can be elaborated over time.

What, in this context [of a leader's attachment identity] is an "attachment identity?"

First, it is useful to talk about how we use the concept of identity and then address "attachment identity" as a specific form of that concept.

A definition: Identity is an essential, core structure of an individual which is internally experienced as congruent with one’s self and externally observed through behavioral expressions that naturally occur as a function of this essential, core structure.

Identity is a concept that has had lots of research and many people thinking about it. We can give some examples. Think of a national identity. I know a friend who lives in the United States, has a US passport, loves the US, and who defines himself as Israeli. Think of a role identity. I know of an airline pilot who all his life wanted to be a pilot, achieved his dream, and who passionately experiences his identity as a pilot (not defined by the airline he flies for but by the role of pilot). And there are many other identities--kinship (father, mother, daughter, son, brother, sister), faith based (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, etc.), organizational (Harvard grad, Rotarian, Democrat or Republican), and so on.

Second,one can speak of an attachment identity which may be experienced by a leader and may be hypothesized depending on the leader's behavioral expressions.

A definition: Attachment identity is a specific form of essential, core structure within an individual. The key component of that structure is an internally represented, working model of themselves and others which is either secure or insecure in relationship to their own anxiety. Depending on the nature of the working model, it allows the person to 1) self-soothe (or not), 2) to be accessible, responsive, and engaged with self and others in distressing or crisis situations (or not)¹, and 3) to be exploratory, expressive, and productive (or not).

Is it the specific mental models you have in place of how you and others will act (therefore an internal thing), or is it how other people perceive you from an attachment perspective (an external thing)?

What is essential about an identity, particularly the way we use it in terms of leadership, is the natural expression of that identity in behavior.

Leaders can be recognized by virtue of the fact that they are moving in a direction, they have followers, and they influence those followers. We have found that not all people who demonstrate these three characteristics actually recognize or acknowledge themselves as a leader (whether consciously or unconsciously). If they don't experience the congruence of this self-definition as a leader, we also know that they create confusion for themselves and among their followers because confusion of their identity manifests in incongruent leadership behaviors (e.g., from an attachment theory perspective, anxiously insecure leaders are often seen as emotionally engaged with their followers and therefore liked by followers while failing to be effective at accomplishing the tasks associated with their leadership. The example used below illustrates this form of insecure attachment identity.).

So, foremost in the way we use this term is the internal identity, i.e. that congruent self-definition. What confirms the identity to an individual and to other observers is the external expression of behaviors congruent with the identity. For a leader to have a secure attachment identity, they would demonstrate certain characteristics. These might include, as a start: 1) being consistently accessible, responsive, and engaged particularly in times of distress;¹ 2) exhibiting deep understanding and appreciation of the followers’ wants and needs, capacities and limitations, while operating in the best interest of the whole and the follower; and 3) demonstrating trustworthiness across contexts including those difficult ones that require tough and potentially painful decisions.

One final comment. An individual who perceives a leader (or anyone else for that matter) as a safe haven and a secure base and actively seeks and receives that leader's support in times of distress is said to relate to that leader as a secure attachment figure. If a leader is consistently viewed by their followers as a secure attachment figure, one can hypothesize that the leader has a secure attachment identity.

What would be some examples of someone with a secure attachment identity vs. someone with an insecure attachment identity?

Secure Attachment Identity

A good example for me of someone with a secure attachment identity is a 36 year old Malawian, Chifundo Jairus Kachale, Chief Resident Magistrate of the Malawi Judiciary (Africa). I choose him for his remarkable character and also to highlight someone outside our normal circle.

Chifundo has risen within eight years to the highest office possible in the Magistrate Courts in Malawi. His next professional destination is likely the High Court. He is concerned with ethical governance in a nation known to be lacking in this area. In his role as magistrate, he has personally experienced numerous instances of corruption and has presided over many such cases. To date, his court remains the only one ever to summon a sitting State President to testify in criminal proceedings, to indict a sitting Vice-President for treason, and to convict a former speaker of the national assembly and cabinet minister for abuse of public office. He has personally committed to use the law as an instrument for social transformation.

However, what really strikes me in this regard is his relationship with his wife, Mary, who is also an outstanding lawyer in the Ministry of Justice in Malawi. She is studying for her PhD in nuclear energy law in London so that as Malawi enters into relationships with China to bring nuclear energy to the nation (which can already be projected), she will be equipped to protect Malawians’ environmental and human rights as a local expert through the legal system. An essential part of her personal story is that because she was exceptionally bright as a young girl in school, others were jealous and accused her of being a witch. This is the very worst fate any person in Malawi can experience (Witchcraft Legal Aid in Africa, IHP, http://tinyurl.com/64jooh6). It was only with great fortitude, the help of a friend, and her subsequent faith in God that she decided not to commit suicide and to continue her education.

To make a long story short, Chifundo and Mary met, fell in love, and decided to marry. Chifundo's family was adamantly opposed to this marriage because of these previous accusations, as were his friends. However, he stood his ground for Mary, as he has for many others in Malawi both in and out of the courtroom. He knew the truth about her and her character, and from an early age influenced particularly by his father, he knew about social justice. He stood for her. As she has said about him, "Often the real people who bring change are not the ones that get the credit. They are the ones who make the change possible. Many people look at me and all I've done as an activist, but I could never have done what I have done and will do if it weren't for Chifundo."

A leader with a secure attachment identity is one who 1) is recognized as "stronger and wiser" in line with the views of John Bowlby, father of attachment theory, 2) has a congruent self-definition of being secure in themselves and in relation to others, 3) knows who to seek out for their own security in times of distress or need, and 4) is consistently experienced by others as a safe haven and secure base. Chifundo demonstrates this capacity in multiple contexts with his wife and children, within his profession, and most importantly with himself.

Insecure Attachment Identity

Insecure attachment identity is the result of having insufficient secure attachment figures in one's life, therefore functioning from an internally represented, insecure working model, and not yet having developed earned security through lived experience.

An example may suffice.

I know a talented and inspirational, relational leader who behaviorally manifests evidence of an insecure attachment identity. In his case, he is extremely extroverted, affable, and a great story teller. As long as he can tell stories, be inspirational, and avoid responsibility for delivering on the essential tasks of his job, he is superb. However, a consistent failure to accomplish the outcomes necessary for his organization to flourish have systematically worn down his employees. While almost to a person they like him, they all to varying degrees recognize his unwillingness, or maybe inability, to 1) mobilize a coherent vision, 2) recruit and empower competent operational types who can act on the strategies and deliver the outcomes of the organization, and 3) hold himself and others in the organization accountable for specific results.

One can never know for certain what another person is experiencing internally. However, from external observation it is clear that this leader manifests a hyperactive attachment strategy which would suggest an insecure attachment identity. For example, his behavior systematically evokes a need for support and intervention from his Board Chair. While he has been successful at getting other Executive Team members to cover for him in delivering on his key performance indicators, on several big projects he has seriously failed and yet been successful at covering up enough to remain in the job. And, it would appear that his self-doubts, which regularly crop up, are managed but not transformed and the awareness avoidance and/or denial of his own ineffectiveness is substantial.

The effects of this leadership behavior include morale problems; organizational inefficiency; inappropriate use of financial, facility, and human resources; constant pressure as a result of the poor use of these resources; and failure to confront performance issues in the culture. Not to paint the picture too bleakly, there are many individuals in the organization attempting to compensate for these leadership problems and much good will from customers because of the unique products offered. However, the organization as a whole has high employee turnover, insufficient organizational transparency, and a sense of potential consistently thwarted by various factors apparently out of any one person or department’s control. I personally believe this can be traced at least in significant part to the leader’s insecure attachment identity and associated behaviors.

My experience of this leader suggests a lack in his ability to tap into the true gifts and talents of the organization's employees, to release their creativity that energizes a culture, and to activate their full commitment and productivity. As Mikulincer and Shaver (2007, p.441) have written, "From an attachment perspective, the key factor in a leader's failure to empower followers is the development of an insecure attachment bond, because of the leader's lack of sensitivity and responsiveness to followers' genuine and legitimate needs. Also important are follower's distrust, ambivalence, and rejection of the leader's distorted approach to 'caregiving.'"² This lack of sensitivity, from our attachment perspective, results from an insecure attachment identity.

¹ Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown, and Company: New York.

² Mikulincer, M. and Shaver P.R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. The Guilford Press: New York.

Genetic Alliance's Focus on Attachment Theory and Practice

There are a number of reasons for Genetic Alliance's interest in attachment theory and practice, some of which I will highlight here and then look forward to future posts from you and others for additional thoughts on why to be so focused.

Why are we advocating the value of attachment theory and practice?

First of all, we recognize the importance of asking powerful questions as we hold the space for ourselves, the organization, and our community to develop and make a difference in the world.

The original attachment question, "Will you be there for me when I really need you?" is just such a question. Our modification of the question--orienting it towards our understanding of leadership, organizational growth, and system transformation--is "Will I be there for me when I need me and therefore will I be there for you when you need me?" It too is just such a question. There are not simple answers to these questions and yet using them as filters for making sense of ourselves and the world we live in enables us to fulfill our vision and mission.

Secondly, we recognize what's at stake.

This includes the lives of our loved ones. "Who am I here for? How much of me is there to be here when I am pulled by our child who is sick, my other children who need our attention, and my spouse who is having their own personal struggle with this (just as I am), as well as maintaining the whole of life?"

It includes the relationships with our loved ones who are affected by poor health. "I know I am needed at home to "be there" for my children, and yet I recognize how much I am needed at the hospital and the difference I do make when I'm there. How do I reconcile these many needs and be sure to take care of myself so that I can be there for everyone who needs me?"

It includes the systems which support and/or inhibit the health of the whole. "My friends and community consistently reveal their needs. Many of which I know how to meet and in my passion for the whole I want to meet. And yet, I know I cannot meet their deepest need of making it all OK in the end. They have to face themselves on that one and I know I risk "failing" them in their eyes because I cannot meet that deepest need. Ultimately I realize I have to face myself on this one, and who do I turn to consistently when so many of those around me turn to me?"

How do we anticipate using the conference to raise these questions and address what's at stake?

Hopefully there will be many more answers than these four I give. However, as a start...

First, we believe it will draw your attention to the value of the attachment bond in relationships, particularly when one or more individuals are facing distress, crisis, or isolation.

Second, we are offering you a framework for understanding one's own and others' attachment identities, needs, and styles as they affect health at multiple levels (including personal, interpersonal, organizational, community, system).

Third, we will provide you experiences of applying attachment practices as a means for improving health at these different levels.

Fourth, we will assist you in generalizing the value of attachment theory and practice across the whole of your life.

What results do we anticipate?

First, that you will gain insight and a mindset change with significant consequence for your health, and health at all of the multiple levels identified.

Second, you will find ways to change your individual and organizational behavior that will produce even greater benefits for all involved.

Third, together we will create ripple effects through word of mouth and reflections on the usefulness of what's been learned and applied.

Basics of Attachment Theory

John Bowlby, father of attachment theory, “…understood that [people of all ages] even fully mature and relatively autonomous adults—especially when they are threatened, in pain, lonely, or demoralized—benefit from seeking and internalizing positive interactions with attachment figures.” (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2007, p.12)

Attachment theory posits that distress, crisis, and isolation (to name a few conditions) activate at least three areas of attachment need within individuals. The first is the need to draw close to an attachment figure whose presence comforts and/or soothes the anxiety of the individual. The second is the need for a safe haven in relationship with an attachment figure, i.e. a place of safety, protection, and support in the midst of this experience. The third is a secure base from which to engage in exploratory, creative, and productive activity.

The theory further states that all individuals no matter what their age develop, evolve, and use internally represented, working models of attachment. In other words, everyone has mental models of what they expect generally from people when they experience distress, crisis, isolation, etc. and what they expect from specific individuals in such situations. To the degree that individuals have had positive interactions with attachment figures and as a result have a secure attachment identity, they are better able to function with themselves, others, and the world around them. To the degree that they have an insecure attachment identity, their anxiety increases their personal dysfunction and the measure of dysfunction that they bring to the systems of which they are a part.

There are two primary contexts in which we in Genetic Alliance are focusing our attention relative to attachment theory:

1) Family systems which contain one or more family members with serious, often chronic genetic diseases, who are therefore subject to significant stress within the family system, and are likely to benefit from the application of attachment theory and practice within the family system. (See Sue Johnson's work previously mentioned, Emotionally Focused Marital Intervention for Couples With Chronically III Children)

2) Leadership, where we recognize the value of developing a secure attachment identity as a leader enabling the leader’s followers and organization to a) find proximity in time of stress, b) experience the protection and comfort of a secure attachment figure, and c) know they have a secure base from which to explore, create, and be productive. (See Duncan Fraser's article previously mentioned, What Attachment Theory Can Teach Us About Leadership)

We will continue to share our thinking on attachment theory and practice relative to these two areas in the coming weeks and months. We will also be writing about our views on the value of mindsight and mindfulness, transformational leadership, and the effects of healthy relationships on the systems of which we are a part. We invite you to respond with your own questions and considerations.

Applications of Attachment Theory and Practice

How is attachment theory and practice relevant to Genetic Alliance as a patient advocate community?

Attachment theory offers a rich literature which you can explore beginning with the resources on our website, Attachment Resources. Initially, we’ll just offer highlights, but hopefully we can extend our work on this blog to become increasingly inclusive of material relevant to you and your interests. Do comment, ask questions, and give feedback which we will monitor and respond to.

However, let’s dive into the middle for the moment. Here are some potential answers and links to discover more.

1. If you have a chronically ill family member, you know the stress that puts you under. If you are married, it puts your marriage under increased pressure which can bring you closer, but it can also expose and/or create ruptures in the relationship. Sue Johnson’s work, including the article she’s co-authored, Emotionally Focused Marital Intervention for Couples With Chronically III Children, offers multiple benefits—deep empathy with the challenges that parents and all caregivers experience, insights into attachment theory, and a proven methodology for reducing relational stress. Introducing yourself to this material will also prepare you for the Sue’s plenary, opening of the Attachment conference and for her special break-out session with Genetic Alliance on Friday afternoon of the conference.

2. We know that those attracted to the Attachment conference from our GA community are leaders. The concept of being a secure attachment figure—i.e. one who can be trusted to be there for another, or for others, in times of distress, need, or crisis—as a leader has profound implications for a) how we see ourselves as leaders, b) what is required of us as leaders personally (in developing ourselves emotionally as well as behaviorally), and c) how we influence the individuals, teams, Boards and/or membership of the organizations we are a part of. In this conference, you will have the opportunity to explore your own leadership identity and capacity as well as learn specific tools for increasing the degree to which you are a secure attachment figure as a leader. See the article by Duncan Fraser, What Attachment Theory Can Teach Us About Leadership as a starter on this one.

3. As a final resource, we would direct you to the unique opportunity you will have to hear John Paul Lederach, a world leader in conflict transformation. He is a man who prefers to work at the grassroots, to engage what appear to be intractable problems, and to hold the space for those who are most affected by those problems to solve them. His work is a metaphor for the challenges we face as patient advocates as well as being an inspiration to all of us who care about the larger world. For many of us in the Genetic Alliance community who are committed to working in the systems that we live in such as healthcare, he also models system transformation. You can link to these resources Experience in International Peace-Building – Mediate.com Video, go to YouTube and watch his extended lecture at Regis University, or order his latest book, Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace.

As mentioned, feel free to post comments so that we can create as much of a dialogue as possible.

Welcome

Welcome to this Genetic Alliance blog focused on Transforming Leadership.

We in Genetic Alliance recognize that one key to our growth and success over the last eight years has been our central focus on leadership at every level of the organization and our community.

Our model of leadership is evolving and the Genetic Alliance Council has committed to share what we've learned in our broader community for the purpose of catalyzing transformation at multiple levels in a variety of contexts--individual, team, organization, community, nation, and the world.

This is Genetic Alliance's 25th year of service and we sense that we are at an inflection point where we are ready to shift gears. As part of the celebration, we will begin to share our leadership model while Exploring the Impact of Attachment on Personal and Organizational Transformation with a full day leadership workshop, Thursday, March 31st, prior to the conference Conversations on Attachment: Integrating the Science of Love and Spirituality at Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, VA, 31 March -- 2 April 2011.

We are inviting our entire Genetic Alliance community to consider joining us for this conference which you can learn more about and register for at http://www.geneticalliance.org/attachment_conference. In joining the conference, we have developed the leadership track beginning with the Leadership Workshop on the 31st and then continuing with the full conference during which we will host three break-out sessions applying attachment theory and practice to the interests, needs and concerns of our Genetic Alliance community.

Do plan to join us, and also to respond to these blog posts.